I don’t care anymore. I used to care a lot about everything. I used to care what I feel and what I am writing whenever I was writing articles. Now I don’t know what I feel. Well I am not feeling anymore I guess, at least for the better. I am traveling and thinking of traveling more. I have covered almost every major city in India. A few left. All I need is some thousand rupees and a two weeks leave. In the last few months I have lost almost all of my friends, not because I ditched them, but because I am ditching them. I don’t want any relation right now. I don’t want to care for any one now. When I was a good friend I used to care. Now because I don’t feel like a friend I don’t care anymore. If someone scolds me I don’t find a reason or evidence to back me up now. So I accept it. But I don’t care. If someone asks me for help I think of myself first. And if that hampers me I don’t help. Well what traveling has to do with this is that I am creating new contacts. And as usual I am manipulating them to help me if I require. So what if I lose my friends, I still get helped. There are a hell lot of problems out there. I mean outside my residence and my circle of friends’ residences and area of trading. I was always being cynical about why don’t they see my problem. And now I don’t care. There are a hell lot of problems out there everywhere. And those problems are Everest in comparison to mine. Well I did have problems and not anymore. If I can’t be with my friends then it is my problem and not their. But they fuss over it, which by the way is also not a problem for me and they try to make it a problem for themselves. But still I don’t care. But then why I am writing this? Writing is therapy. But I am not sick. I am just doing my hubby and just preventing myself. I used to love a lot. And now I love a lot more. But I don’t care for it. What if you are put in a situation where you want to achieve something and want to enjoy after achieving it but the only way to achieve it is to run away from it? But I don’t have money or the better reason - vacation. What if you find some doubts in your dream and yet not query about it? But your dream used to be a reason to live and still somewhat it is. What would you do? So I am used to not care anymore. I loved irony as me and my life has been ironical always. But this irony makes me hate ironies. I hate surprises now. But what can I do? So I don’t care anymore.
But I am happy. I am happy as I was never before. I don’t feel heaven but I know hell can’t catch hold of me. I don’t feel satisfied but I am not either dissatisfied. I am used to it. And I can laugh from heart. I am selfish. But who cares? I don’t. Do you have a better life than me? No. So stop quibbling. Because I wouldn’t care for that either.
